We Will Be The Hopeful

“We will be the hopeful.”

I cannot be more moved by this statement. After the hardest year of my life, I look back and remember most, the moments where all I had was hope to grasp onto. Faith is believing in the things unseen, but without hope, it feels impossible.

We are in a time where everyone is able to post all the “best” things in their life, portraying that we have it all together, are peaceful, joyful and on top. I hate it. It isolates, excludes and is fraudulent. More than ever, we need to be honest and talk about our pain. We all have great moments, but we also deal with broken dreams and hearts and lives. We also live in a time where we are scared. I am. It’s so easy to believe that if I am vulnerable and open, if I make eye contact, if I speak my truth, I will suffer in some form. Maybe that’s true… but am I not suffering if I don’t?

If there’s anything I learned through the shattering experiences of the last year, it was that we always have a choice. Not to escape hard times, or to maybe actually change our circumstance, but to choose how we walk through it. We are all fragile, feel worthless some days, and almost never have it together. Why aren’t we okay with that? If everyone admitted that, we would have a different world.

Hearts. We all long to be seen, heard and deeply known. In order for that to happen, we need to share our stories, share our hurts, be inclusive. We also need to listen. Ask more questions and make less assumptions. Grace. We all need more grace for one another.

I will be the hopeful. I will choose to believe in better things to come, but also, accept that I don’t see the bigger picture all the time. I choose to believe that God is doing a great thing, even now. “Those who put their hope in Him, will not be put to shame.” Does this mean I don’t struggle with shame? Not at all. It just means in those excruciating, humiliating moments when all that I have built or lived for crumbles, that I choose to look up and trust that this isn’t for nothing. I don’t have any more answers, but I do have hope. That was enough to get me to take the next step forward, and then the next…

Some people might be frustrated that I talk about God. I don’t bring Him into this to push onto you. It’s just that I can’t separate my story from my faith; I know it sounds cliche but when I look back I see how He has used all the moments for something better. He is the very reason I am standing today and I can’t help but celebrate that. I also celebrate the people in my life who have stood with me through the worst times, where love and fear danced over each other’s lines. Who, watching me grieve and ache, didn’t tell me to move on, but sat with me and also cried. What a gift. You are a gift. We were made for this. Hope. Love. To fight for what is good and pure.

In order to be the hopeful, we must take action. We must use our voice for encouragement, to uphold, to remind others what really matters. We must respect our time here and use it for goodness. We must challenge shame with truth, accepting ourselves for not having all the answers, and pass that relief onto others. You matter, whether you feel it or not. That’s the truth.

So, let’s keep going. Let’s be the hopeful.

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Farewell Rookie Blue


I have had some time to grieve saying goodbye to an important part of my life, but all my tears inevitably turned to laughter as I remembered moments of the last 6 years. I am a better person because of each person I worked with; everyone brought their A game with whatever skill set they offered. There was no position too small because the heart they offered was great.

We are messy. You know what made Rookie Blue different? That each person was so unique, and we cared enough to fight for the best in each other. The connection you saw on screen began off camera. Many days I didn’t feel that I had what it took. Guess who got me through? My teammates that became much more than that. They challenged me, all of them, through different ways because of their strengths and weaknesses. Let me tell you something, the best gift I have ever been given, is that of a real person. Is it easy? No, sometimes it was excruciating to be sitting across someone I didn’t understand, or agree with. Sometimes I didn’t have the tools to deal with what we presented each other, and that can be humiliating. But we chose to be family. And family can only be close with authenticity.

Many fans ask me what I love about working with each person… I have decided to tell you. I am going to keep this list to the Rookies and my original TO’s, Oliver and Swarek – or this will turn into a novel and I don’t have a book deal.

Greg Smith:
Greg is very much himself and also a mystery; he belongs to himself which is inspiring. He is one of the most non judgmental people I have ever met, and when I sit around a table with his friends I have to laugh because no one is alike. He is as professional as they come, which tempted me to always go the other way. He is inclusive and always sees the best in people.

Enuka Okuma:
Enuka knows what she wants, and has taught me that it is okay to really go after it. Sometimes we can make ourselves small to “fit in” and it is such a disservice to everyone including ourselves. She makes things happen; she is a pioneer. She is not in your face about it, she works hard, quietly, and let’s her work speak for itself. I admire her so much for this.
Charlotte Sullivan:
Gracious. I have never met a woman who can be fierce and yet just as gentle. She has a very humble spirit and truly carries herself well. She is weird and playful but when you get down to it, all heart. She has walked with me in some of my toughest moments, and I never felt shame, only ever acceptance.

Peter Mooney:
This man will call you on your crap. Haha!
He can do that because he knows who he is, so it is delivered with a great deal of thought and kindness. He is genuinely interested in those he interacts with and he taught me that it’s okay to stand out and be who I am.

Matt Gordon:
He is a champion. The best kind. I can’t tell you how many times I would be down on myself and he would quickly correct my thinking to remind me who he sees. He is truly my Oliver Shaw, and I have been able to have the strength to climb out of some pretty dark places because his hand was always waiting to pull me out. Sometimes, he would just climb in with me, and we would climb out together when I was ready. He is at the top because he champions everyone else to get there.

Travis Milne:
Travis will always make you feel welcome and comfortable, his strength is to connect on some level and HE’LL FIND IT. He taught me that it’s okay not to take everything so seriously, that keeping it light is healthy too. He is always down to have fun and his optimism is contagious.

Priscilla Faia:
Full. This woman explodes with personality and is as loyal as they come. Her ability to see the future as exciting and grab every opportunity is… The complete opposite of me. Haha. But she has taught me to see things her way, and it has only brightened my life. She is a caretaker and provider, and making others feel at home is her gift. So when you’re around her, you’re home.

Ben bass:
Ben might be my greatest opposite to a certain degree, and for that I’m thankful. We both share the wonderful disease of perfectionism but he has created some of the finest moments from his. The details. Ben has an incredible ability to see the smallest details and it all matters. He is attentive, thoughtful and passionate. He has taught me that even if we have a different point of view, or process, we can still connect and grow. How powerful! His light brought some of my weaknesses in view, and his very person, his unique ways, forced me to step up and be a better version of myself. Acting is not performing, it’s relating.

I will tell you, without the leadership of Tassie Cameron, Ilana Frank, David Wellington, and the dedication of every talented writer this would not have happened. They brought their full selves to this project, and we were given the room to fail, fight and learn. There is no perfect way, it doesn’t exist. What does, is the journey that NEVER takes a straight line, and with each person that we encounter, an opportunity to learn and grow. My experience on Rookie has helped mold me into who I am today.

Thank you to the fans for your commitment and loyalty. Your heartfelt love and sometimes rage (haha!) for our show is what kept us moving and provided the opportunity for us to work together for so long. Without you, there is no “us”. I LOVED playing McNally, believe me when I say we shared the same heart.

Thank you to Shaw, Global, eOne and ABC for your belief in our cast and crew and investment for many years. What a gift.

I will always look back on the last six years with a warm heart and a huge smile. It was a win through and through.